Enabling time and space to explore new things

I have noticed that I have consistently been using the same two words these past few months to express my inner-most desires at this particular point of my life: time and space. When used in a sentence, it produces a variation of the following : "I want to have/enable the time and space to explore new things, to create, to breathe." Whenever I reiterate this, it is accompanied by a strong sense of determination that doesn't falter me, even when I am facing my "gremlins". For those of you unfamiliar with Brenee Brown and her talks about vulnerability, she refers to the gremlins as those inner voices that have been shaped by our experiences and upbringing (among other things) and that fuel two primary messages: "You're not good enough," and "Who do you think you are?". Sounds familiar? We all have those gremlins speaking and mine keep creeping up as I am letting go of what I know in support of what I want to explore and wish for myself.

My garden analogy

As relayed in my blog post "the double-edged sword of new beginning: the excitement, the grief, and the duality of it all...", we sometimes need to let go of what we know to make room for new things to show up. Sometimes, we are also pulled into different directions based on a multitude of factors and that pull can be very strong. I have been feeling that yearning for some years now, but I had to let go of many fears, which enabled my behaviours and defense mechanisms. I will make a garden reference to illustrate this reflection: If you decide to add new vegetables or flowers into your garden, you may need to clear up the weeds, prune or transplant, and perhaps even decide to not plant what you typically put into your garden to enable those new seeds to emerge and grow. These decisions can be heartbreaking and I would draw on the comparison of letting go of a favourite item of clothing that was just so comfortable to wear or had tremendous sentimental value in favour of trying on something new that may not fit as perfectly, or at the very least, is getting some used to initially. It is also about letting go of the fears attached to the unknown, which almost guarantees triggering the gremlins.

Remaining true to our aspirations

I have noticed that if we fill our time with too many things, they become distractions from achieving our true purpose or goal. This is where saying no is critical and a constant practice for those of us who struggle with boundaries. As a professional acquaintance shared with me yesterday : "no" is indeed an answer. I have observed that whenever I am clearing my schedule of the commitments that I am doing out of obligation rather than true passion, there is an energy shift and my creativity is further unleashed, as evidenced by the frequency in which I have been publishing on this blog lately. Please do not get me wrong: I am still scared about the ripple effect of my decisions and I do worry that saying no to certain opportunities might mean that I will be blacklisted in some circles. After all, I was a Career and Employment Manager at one point in my professional journey and I still provide the same advice as I did all those years ago about the importance of networking and making yourself top of mind when you are an active job seeker. Thankfully though, this strong determination keeps coming over me and takes charge of the decision-making. I wish I could truly depict how this determined voice is affirming itself over the personas seeking to protect me by sharing their fears and concerns because it ends up being quite funny when I think about it. It is as if this determination just tells everyone to shut up in a very maternalistic tone and then prompts me to take action (call the person, press send on that email, etc.) and get it over with ! And yes I hear it amidst the noise speaking with command, urgency, and conviction.

This gift of time and space is essentially an exploration of yearnings, passions, and needs. It opens possibilities that we (I) had never imagined and the thrill of exploring them freely is what matters. The more I remain on this path of exploration, I see signs that reaffirm that I am doing what is right for me at this time. For instance, I am deeply thankful to the new people who have connected with me through this blog to share how its content deeply resonated with them, which was the true intention that I had manifested when I created it back in December 2018. Knowing that I can influence or touch the heart of others through writing is meaningful beyond words. I sign off by sharing how grateful I feel towards this new affirming voice for her take-charge attitude. She is definitely the guardian of my heart and soul.

Book of possibilities, by artist Tomertu