When Values Hold Us Still: A Quiet Question About Growth

Can your values be a hindrance—or even an obstacle—to personal growth?

Apparently so…

Over the last few years, I’ve spent a great deal of time reflecting on my personal values. That reflection has shaped the way I live—personally and professionally—guiding my decisions, my boundaries, and the way I show up in the world. One thing I’ve noticed along the way is that my values feel far more deeply rooted today than they did in my teenage or young adult years. Some have strengthened with time; others have emerged through lived experience.

Needless to say, I wear my values proudly—and fiercely. Perhaps a little too fiercely at times. I speak of them often. Those who know me well might even say too often. A quick scan of my past blog posts would likely confirm that values are a recurring theme in my worldview.

And then, last evening, that worldview was quietly turned upside down.

While having dinner with two friends and a colleague, I heard one of them say—almost casually—that our values can sometimes become a hindrance to our personal growth.

Before I go any further, a bit of context.

It was a true delight to be in the presence of these two women, Melissa and Julie, whom I hadn’t seen in many years. Julie, in particular, holds a special place in my life—a kind of soul sister. We met years ago through our professional work in youth entrepreneurship and formed an instant connection. She was also a steady presence during one of the most difficult periods of my life.

Although time and geography have shifted our paths, we’ve remained connected, following one another’s journeys from a distance. I knew, from recent conversations, that Julie had embarked years ago on a profound personal growth journey—one that led her to support others through workshops, meditation, and writing. I hold immense respect for her work and her perspective, which is precisely why her comment stayed with me.

I was genuinely surprised to hear that values—what I have always considered the very foundation of the self—could actually create cracks in that foundation, or even prevent further growth. (For those new here: metaphors are my native language.) I have long believed that values deepen as we come to know ourselves better, and that this deepening is not only natural but desirable. It made sense to me that new values would emerge through experience. What had never occurred to me was the idea that some values might function as constructs—illusions, even—not unlike the ego.

I may be oversimplifying or misinterpreting Julie’s point, and I hope she will chime in here. But what I understood was this: sometimes, certain values no longer serve our growth—and in those moments, they may need to be questioned, softened, or even released.

Since that conversation, my mind has been in overdrive.

Do I cling to values that no longer serve me?

Interestingly, over the past few months, I’ve invoked certain values repeatedly—using them to explain why I could not take a particular action or move forward in a given situation. Based on my lived experiences, I had concluded that values were misaligned, and that proceeding would mean betraying my own. Ultimately, in those situations, I chose to let go—not of my values, but of the outcome. I accepted what was.

Julie’s words struck a chord because they echoed something I had already been living, without fully naming it.

Take authenticity, for example—a value I hold dear. I struggle when people are not straightforward with me, when intentions remain unspoken or obscured. As uncomfortable as honest feedback can be, I value it far more than learning the truth through a third party—or worse, sensing it through behavior and silence.

That said, I am also aware of my own limitations. I don’t always respond in ways that immediately reflect empathy or openness. I need time. Space. Processing. It’s not uncommon for me to return to a conversation later that same day—or the next—with deeper reflections, sharing what the exchange stirred within me. Those moments often lead to richer dialogue, greater understanding, and a quicker shift into collaboration.

In that sense, valuing authenticity has served me well.

And yet, I can’t help but wonder: when does a value become a shield rather than a guide? When does it protect growth—and when might it quietly resist it?

I find myself craving the perspectives and lived experiences of others as I sit with this question. One thing is certain: I will be attending one of Julie’s workshops, or sitting down with her for a deeper conversation very soon. I want to explore, more intentionally, how values can sometimes disserve us—not to abandon them, but to hold them with greater awareness.

This reflection feels unfinished. And perhaps that’s exactly where it needs to be.

Even the most solid structures must yield for growth to occur.

#Letstalkvalues

#Valuesasahindrancetogrowth

#Lettinggo

#Conversationsthatmatter