Can your values be a hindrance or obstacle to your personal growth? Apparently so...

Over the last few years, I have been reflecting a lot about my personal values and as a result, I have adopted a way of living, both personally and professionally, that is aligned with those values. One of the interesting thing I have observed in the process is that my values are much more deeply rooted today than they were, say in my teenage or young adult years. I have also noted that I have picked up new values along the way as a result of experiencing life. Needless to say, I wear my values proudly and fiercely, probably to the point that I bore people to death around me at times, because I have the "values talk" so much! Actually, you just need to read some of my previous blog posts and I must have mentioned values countless times. Well, that worldview has been completely turned upside down last evening while I was having diner with two friends and one of my colleague, as I heard my friend state that our values can become a hindrance or obstacle to our personal growth.

First of all, allow me to provide a bit of context before sharing my reflections:

It was a pure delight to be in the presence of these two wonderful ladies, Melissa and Julie, whom I had not seen in many years. I consider Julie a soul sister of sorts; we met in the context of our professional work way back when we were both handling the Youth entrepreneurship portfolios and we had an instant connection. Julie was also of great support to me when I was going through one of the toughest times of my life. We have remained in touch and are connected on social media, which gives us the opportunity to kind of follow what is happening in the other person's life. I knew from speaking to Julie recently that she had embarked years ago on a personal growth journey, and had decided to help others reconnect with themselves through personal growth workshops, meditation, and writing books, to name but a few of the things I am aware that she does and offers. I have immense respect for this lady, which is why I paid a lot of attention to her perspective on values.

I was shocked to hear that our values, which I consider to be the foundation of our self (like a house) can actually cause cracks in said foundation or prevent further building to take place. (note: in case you are reading me for the first time, beware that I love using metaphors to relay how I view, interpret and feel life). I have always considered that values grow deeper with time, as we get to know ourselves better, and perceived that as a good thing. It also made sense that we pick up new values along the way of our journey because of our lived experiences. It never occurred to me that our values are essentially illusions we create for ourselves, a bit like our ego does. I may have misinterpreted the illusion part, so I hope Julie will chime in on this blog post, but nevertheless, that is how I understood her perspective on values. She even added that sometimes, it is necessary to let go of some values because they are not helpful to our growth.

Since this brief conversation took place, my mind has been in overdrive. Do I hold on to values that do not really serve me? Funny enough, I have indeed held on to a few values these past few months, evoking them enough times in my personal and professional lives to state that it would be very hard for me to do X action, because I had assessed (from my lived experiences in these particular situations) that our values were not aligned, and that it would therefore feel like I was not being true to my own values. In the end, I had to let go regarding these particular scenarios and simply accept the outcome of the situation. I think that Julie's remarks about values in general struck a cord within me, as my mind flashed to these situations I have experienced recently.

As an example, I value authenticity immensely. I don't fare well when people are not straightforward with me or do not reveal their true intentions from the get-go. As hard as it can be at times to hear someone's critiques, feelings or thoughts, I will appreciate that person that much greater than hearing it from a third-party or worse, not hearing it at all, but seeing something in the other person's behaviour and actions. By the way, I am well aware that I don't always react in the way that showcases to the other person that I have heard what they said and that they are in front of "empathetic Nadine". I do require time to process things and will absorb much better when that space and time can take place. It is not uncommon these days that I go back to the person, later on the day or the next day, with my reflections and share what him or her what our discussion triggered within me. That enables us to have a deep-dive discussion about the issue at hand and get into collaborative mode that much quicker. I feel that this is a positive outcome resulting from valuing authenticity.

I am craving to hear more insights or lived experiences from others to better understand this notion. One thing is for certain: I will attend one of Julie's workshops or have a deep-dive discussion with her in the very near future to explore further how our values can be of disservice to us. (I promise to write more on the topic afterwards). The final insight that I will share with you after experiencing a few situations where I have felt a clash in values is the following: when I let go and accepted the situation as it presented itself, it actually did not feel as much as a betrayal to my own values, as I had figured it would feel originally.

#Letstalkvalues

#Valuesasahindrancetogrowth

#Lettinggo

#Conversationsthatmatter