The human element of Covid-19 crisis

The world has been taken by an unprecedented threat that is crippling our population and leaving quite a trail of collateral damages in its path. The ramifications are still hard to comprehend or even determine at this conjuncture as the crisis is far from over. Whether we are able to see the positive aspects of our new reality, there is no questions that there is also a socio-economic impact that is taking its toll. In the midst of going through my second week in social isolation, I cannot help but wonder about the human element through this and wondering especially if there is still a safe space to even consider that part.

Specifically, there appears to be a lack of empathy in people, which is certainly understandable given the situation. However, I am finding that there seems to be no room at all for expressing how one feels or is affected by what is happening. I keep seeing tips and help-lines or articles on mental health, but in all honesty, they keep referring to the same things: the importance of sticking to a routine, the importance of having a new normal, tips for working from home (if it is a new thing to you), or how to speak to your kids about Covid-19. I have yet to see tips for coping on not having alone time at all or how to cope on making tough decisions, such as letting people go in your organization and the emotional impact that this has on a person. As I am writing this, I feel the obligation to disclose that I am a very positive person by nature, very action-orientated and solutions focussed, so complaining is also not in my nature. Whether you know these things about me or not, I either want you to know it right from the start or re-emphasize it. And the very simple reason for providing this disclosure is because I do not want comments or feedbacks like the following: "think positive! Hang in there! or "you know, there are people who have it worst". I already KNOW all of this. What I truly want and need is simply an empathetic ear!

You know, I started out the first week of this self-isolation feeling pretty good, energized about what we could do to help in a professional context and then appreciating the new family moments that were carved by this new routine. Mother-daughter walks became a balm to the soul (and good for the hips), cooking healthy meals and enjoying them altogether as a family meal times were all much appreciated gifts that filled my heart. Then over the weekend, a new reality set in, the one where I personally realized as schools remained closed "until further notice" and COVID cases were climbing that it would be the new normal for quite some time...meaning months. That new reality meant having to make tough decisions for what was in my organization's best interest to survive this storm. That new reality meant that those newfound family moments also meant that there would never be any alone time for quite some time, except when I go use the washroom. In short, there was a new reality to face, period, and this was only week 2. I made that realization, but pushed it way down as everyone around me was saying "keep on trucking". Over the weekend, insomnia crept in and my sleeping pattern was completely shot for ensuing days. My appetite was also all over the map, either having cravings all the time or not being hungry at all which impacted my digestion. Then my mornings were starting off with a sense of duty rather than my usual sense of purpose. As all of these changes were operating, I was trying to reach out and just... you know, talk.

It is after having a few too many of those conversations, where I would try to express how I was feeling, that I realize what was really troubling me. It was the fact that I was not feeling HEARD. Whenever I have voiced for example how tough and unpleasant it is to let people go from an employer perspective, I would quickly get the rallying call (you know, the one where people keep completely the emotions out and remind you that it is your job and just go do it). I was told on a few occasions that I should not let the emotions get the better of me and to stop trying to save the world. This is where it is a great example of leaving the human element of a conversation. Why can't we consider for an instant, the time of a conversation really, the feelings that a person has due to making really tough decisions. Why has it become practically tabou to even start considering our feelings in all of this? Listen, I get it. I know that there are people out there risking their lives every day and making sacrifices to save and protect us. I get that there are urgent priorities at the moment and this state of acute urgency pushes feelings aside. Perhaps we are feeling that we should not ever say anything because there are other people who have it worst of? Perhaps that people simply do not have room for empathy at the moment because between juggling kids and working from home in this particular context sucks all the empathy for others. Perhaps in times of crisis, we simply do not have room for empathy, as our brain processes the trauma in a way that ensures our survival. The honest truth is I suspect that it is all of the above.

Nonetheless, and no matter our own coping methods, I do feel that allowing spaces for people to express how they feel is important and should not be shrugged away with bumper stickers sayings. Allowing someone to say that they find the situation very challenging because they are thinking about the impact on other human beings doesn't make them a weak leader or not able to cope. There is a difference between knowing what one has to do and then feeling the impact of what one has to do. Allowing those feelings or thoughts to be expressed might simply help that much more.

I for one, would personally appreciate it greatly if people simply said to me, in the chance that I am sounding 'off' or express that something is challenging: "Do you want to talk about it?".